BudT
07-30-2010, 08:38
Subject: ILLEGAL ALIENS CROSSING BOARDERS INTO CANADA FROM THE USA. - 29 JUL 10
From The Manitoba Herald
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent
actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning
citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to
agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians
crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red >
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even
got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they
wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left
to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,"
an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a
single bottle of imported drinking water.
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus
trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-
dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-
citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they
were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk
Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the
Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals,
but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa
resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A
source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul
McCartney and Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might even put some
endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to
reach out," he said.
From The Manitoba Herald
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent
actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning
citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to
agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians
crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red >
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even
got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they
wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left
to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,"
an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a
single bottle of imported drinking water.
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus
trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-
dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-
citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they
were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk
Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the
Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals,
but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa
resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A
source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul
McCartney and Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might even put some
endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to
reach out," he said.