Lying to the Wife

[Rick]

My wife hates a fibber but I find myself lying to her more all the time. I've managed to make it 46 years without getting busted so I must be good at it.

Things like do these pants make my butt look big? How do you like my my new haircut? Do I look as old as I feel?

Honestly what man would be stupid enough to tell the truth on those.

Now here is my biggest lie. I have a lap top computer and when ever my wife is around she talks so much that I just automatically fold it up. So she asks why do you fold up the computer when ever I am around. Do I tell the truth? No ,I tell her I'm looking at porn and don't want her to catch me.

Kind of feel bad about this one but she is showing me a little more attention and for now that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So are most of you guys always honest and tell the truth to the better half? On the other hand are there any of you that are cowards like myself and will say or do anything to keep peace and quiet in the home?

[SMOKEY]

Sir, if you remotely think you have fooled her for 46 years you are just kidding yourself. They know. They really know. It is built in. She knows you are just covering your butt. But go ahead and tell her a real lie and watch how fast she hands you your head. White fibs are one thing but a true lie like "No honey I wasnt having an affair" will get you massacred

[da gimp]

I can say "Yes dear" as fast as any man alive............grandson looked at me the other day when I was being informed of something I might do wrong by Her, & he told me, "Just tell her she's right grandpa"..... the kid is learning early.............

[Guamsst]

Well, I have been accused of being too honest and I have been divorced twice. I just don't have it in me to lie when it seems the only logical thing to do. For example when the wife goes out to get her long beautiful hair "trimmed" and comes back with a bull dyke bowl cut. My response "What the F@#$ do you think "TRIMMED" means? Ofcourse I don't think it looks cute."

As to the porn issue, I am in a unique predicament now. My girlfriend doesn't seem to care if I look at other women as long as she gets hers. HOWEVER, She cares greatly about WHO I look at. Which results in my closing the websites or putting the laptop away when she is nearby. She pointed out once again that she said I could look at porn. My response "I know baby, but I really don't feel like listening to you B@#@! about how ugly you think the women are when you aren't even a lesbian, so no one cares who you think is pretty" She was not impressed with my stance on the issue.

[RED]

Contrary to what nasty old men are thinking...

The second biggest liar is the guy that says "I've never lied to my wife."

And of course, the biggest liar is the guy that says "I used to, but I quit!"

[Jeff L]

RPX2cQP8uoI

[Tigre_fish]

Keeping in mind for the moment that anything you put out on the internet survives FOREVER, and that anything you say on said internet may be used against you in a court of law in a criminal or civil proceeding, I therefore now affirmatively aver that;

I HAVE NEVER LIED TO MY WIFE!!!!!!!

Having said that, I now advise that it is NOT LYING to;

A) change the subject
B) answer an unasked (but somewhat related) question
C) give a completely true but misleading answer (think "that depends on what the meaing of "is" is....
D) equivocate (which all of the above really is)

The doctrine of equivocation is supposedly an upshot of the post gunpowder rebellion trials and the Jesuit response in which formal logic was applied, and a means devised to answer interrogators truthfully, but not so honestly (thus avoiding the sin of lying and the lethal consequence of complete honesty). Thus, if asked "my dear, how does this dress look?" the response "delightful" would be truthful if you thought that a third party observer would laugh in delight upon seeing the rediculous outfit. Another example, "honey, does this dress make my a$$ look big?" would truthfully be answered "no" without the necessity of further stating "it's yo' a$$ makes yo' a$$ look big."

[JohnMOhio]

It seems you guys are all asking for trouble. When asked, what do you think of this purse that she is about to buy, I say, what do I know about purses, ask me about a gun. Or....its not what I think, it is what you think, do you like it? Then get it!. No way do I want to influence her as it will come back to haunt me. Same with hair style change. Its what you like that counts, will it be easier for you to brush it out? Answer the questions with a question.

I never, never try to purchase something personal, it always seems to be the wrong style or color. I just take her shopping and say pick out what you want. She makes sure it is on those big sales days and that makes me happy. An originally marked $85 item for $15 is always a good buy at my place.

I just can't seem to get another firearm without buying something that always comes in diamonds of equal value. Still have not figured a way around that one yet even though I handle all the bills. Can't sneak one in with the others on a range day. She is to smart for that. Maybe a gift from someone would work. Anyone with a F class rifle or a long range AR wanting to get rid of it because your running out of room in a safe? Thought I would try!

[Former Cav]

kind of like the cartoon I saw years ago.
it is a father, mother and son.
mother says "oh the petunias are so beautiful today"
boy "day, what's petunias?"
dad "shut up and say yes, keep her happy"

[John Sukey]

"We have to talk"
That really means you have to shut up and LISTEN

[John Kepler]

It's ALWAYS better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Besides, they always think we're dogs anyway.....I think it comes with that spare X chromosome. Remember, they really aren't "lies".....they're "reality adjustments".....after all, it's only the "projected" beauty and intelligence that prevents parents from downing that squalling, wrinkled newborn at birth!

[Guamsst]

I'm just glad my girlfriends requirements are a roof over her head, food on the table and satisfaction in bed. Beyond that she could care less what I do as long as I'm not doing it with another woman. It did take her a little bit to understand how I can spend a couple thousand dollars on guns in a few minutes and be happy about it. Now that she sees what I pay, what they are worth and how fast they go up in value.

I had a buddy whose wife was a stereotypical hen who didn't want him wasting money on guns. She was fuming when he said he was going to set up at the gunshows. He came home with 2 new guns, handed her $900 cash and told her to deposit it on Monday. He kept the extra money and didn't tell her about it. She never asked and never BI#$%^ about him doing gunshows again either.

[Guamsst]

It's ALWAYS better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Besides, they always think we're dogs anyway.....I think it comes with that spare X chromosome. Remember, they really aren't "lies".....they're "reality adjustments".....after all, it's only the "projected" beauty and intelligence that prevents parents from downing that squalling, wrinkled newborn at birth!

I never understood the fascination with newborns. Let me tell you I have been given the evil eye by many a woman. All because I respond to "Don't you want to hold the baby?" with, "Not really, but let me know when they are old enough to do something interesting"

[coppertales]

My wife is a liberal. She can't handle the truth............................................. ...chris3